Sad news....

I had my 3rd blood test yesterday and we found out yesterday afternoon that my beta number went down. This essentially means that the pregnancy will not progress.

With starting this process a few months ago, we knew that the chance of us having baby number 5 was very low. However, after our amazing successes (4 tries/4 kids) with our other attempts, it was hard for us to not believe that it was going to happen. Then, when we got the positive pregnancy test and 2nd blood test indicated that things were going as expected, we did begin to believe and get excited about the fact that we were going to be blessed with 5 kids.

Life will definitely be much easier for us over especially the next year without all of the work and stresses that come with being pregnant and having a new baby, but we've spent so much time thinking and praying about this potential little person over the last few years and especially, the last couple of months, and really, especially, the last week that I am feeling very sad that we are not going to meet him.

We have a beautiful family thanks to modern medicine and especially God. 7.5 years ago, we never imagined that we would have the family that we do now. Our doctor told us that we had a 0% chance of getting pregnant on our own and a 16% chance of ever having a baby. Now look at us! At the moment, we are definitely disappointed and feeling sad, but God answered all of our prayers and has truly blessed us.

Thank you for all of support and love that you have given to us. Last week was definitely fun sharing this with all of you. I very much appreciated all of the phone calls and emails...thank you.

*Someone* was listening....

I have recently been thinking about a conversation that Spencer and I had a few months after we got married. It was the first conversation that we had where we specifically talked about how many kids we hoped to have.

Of course, before we got married we talked about how we wanted a few kids, but an exact number was never mentioned. I secretly hoped for a couple more than "a few", but I loved Spencer, and wanted him to marry me, and didn't want to freak him out by telling him *that*! Also, I figured, what did I know, I've never had kids. Why risk freaking the poor guy out when I didn't even know what I was talking about?

So, I managed to get him to marry me before ever talking specifics about the number of kids that we wanted to have.

Then, one night, the topic came up. Since Spencer had already married me, I decided to finally tell him of my secret wish to have a family with FIVE kids. Much to my surprise and delight, he wasn't freaked and even agreed that 5 sounded like a pretty good number of kids to have.

Looking back, we were so naive. At that time, I honestly had no idea what it would be like to have 1 kid, let alone 4 or 5. I just always thought it would be really neat to have a big family and luckily, really luckily, I found and fell in love with a man that felt the same way.

Well, apparently, there was "Someone" else listening to that conversation that Spencer and I had so many years ago....thankfully, this "Someone" has a lot of influence in this area. Although, we had a difficult and unusual journey to have our kids, I have always felt that God ("the Someone")has been with us at every step in our journey. From the day of our miserable diagnosis, to the day that I was almost 25 weeks pregnant with triplets and having 11 contractions/hour, to the day that all of our boys were born, and to today, God has been with us, helping us, supporting us and guiding us. For that we will always be grateful and will always remember.

So, that was long winded, but in case you haven't figured it out, the bottom line is that YES, my pregnancy test came back positive today. I am technically 4 weeks pregnant, so it is really, really, early, but we are on our way. We really appreciate all of the good wishes and prayers from you all and would appreciate them to continue for the health of #5 and for God to continue to provide the rest of us the energy, love and patience that we will need as we continue our journey.

Thank you!

The Top 10 Reasons....

...that we have agreed to go ahead with the possibility of Baby #5.

10. All of the strangers that the boys and I meet at the grocery store tell me that I *need* a girl.

9. We have purchased an "Executive Membership" from Costco and we want to get our money's worth.

8. I love onsies. I'm going to start potty-training Charlie after the holidays. And, after he is potty-trained, no more onsies. :(

7. I want more cute little stick people on my car.

6. My friend, Theresa, has 5 kids and she makes it look really easy. ;) I don't know why she titled her blog "Managing Chaos".

5. I kind of regret painting the guest room peach and Spencer is not going to agree to have it repainted without a really good reason.

...and I need a reason to organize it.

4. My other 4 kids are just so darn cute, how could we not try for one more.

3. Hmmmm.....maybe 5 kids would trump Jen's triplets (3!!! kids) and win us back our "Date Night". Kidding, kidding, kidding, totally kidding. ;)

2. Jack quite often complains that he "doesn't have anyone to play with". Hmmm....go figure!

And....the Number 1 reason that we are going ahead with Baby #5 is.......

The State of Illinois could really use some more Little Conservative Republicans!!!!

Exclusive Announcement for Blog Readers Only ;)

If you know me and haven't yet admitted to reading my blog, this may be a hard thing to pretend that you don't know. HeeHee...this could be fun!! ;)

Here goes...would you think we were nuts if we added on to our crazy family one last time? (That is a rhetorical question, you shouldn't answer it unless your answer is "of course Kelly and Spencer, you are *not* nuts!!").

But anyway, don't get too excited or upset, just yet, #5 is still only a possibility.

As some of you may know, in our original IVF cycle that resulted in the triplets, we had two remaining embryos. One of those remaining embryos ultimately became the little boy that we now affectionately call Charlie. That has left us with one remaining embryo. This last remaining embryo has been on our minds quite a bit over the last couple of years. Although we are completely content with our family, we decided that giving the last embryo a chance was the only option that felt right for us. So, yesterday, after about 6 weeks of shots and other medications, the little guy was transferred to his, or dare I say "her" new home...Me!

The transfer went really well and the embryologist said that the qualilty of the embryo was "okay". I have been super-analyzing what "okay" means over the last 24+ hours, but that is what he said.

I don't know why I am so obsessed with odds considering how we have blown away all of the odds with our existing children, but here is how they fall.

According to the Doctor: 28% success for single embryo transfers.

According to me: I adjust the doctor's 28% estimate to about 95% considering our prior successes and then drop it back down to about 33% considering the "okay-ness" of the embryo.

According to Spencer: More than 50%

According to Jen: She thought 50% that it would make it to the transfer, which it did. Then, she gave it a 50% chance that I would get pregnant. Then if I am, she gives it a 50% that it would be a girl. So, bottom line, she set the odds at 12.5% chance that she would get a niece on our side of the family. I guess that is up to 25% now.

What do *you* think???

As nerve wracking and anxious as I am to get some answers, going through this has given us both a lot of peace. With all of the medical intervention and moral dilemmas surrounding our
journey to have a family, it feels really good to have this out of our hands.

We may not know the best for our family, but as God has done in the past, I am sure that he will bless us with the result that will be best for our family. And, for that we are and will always be eternally grateful.

ETA...Oops, I forgot to add that we get the results on the 7th.